Main Sorok-Sorok

Seperti anak kecil berlari.

Terkekek-kekek mencari tempat sembunyi. Di sudut yang kakinya kenampakan, ada cahaya dalam hatinya, fikir tak ditemukan.

Begitu nyata, begitu mata.

Bila dijumpakan, berderai-derai tawanya memeterai,
Waktu permainan yang tamatnya tak bersampai.

Kini kakinya masih kelihatan, memanjang keluar, di balik langsir senteng di hadapan rumah.

Tapi kali ini, dia pinta ditemukan.
Dia berdoa sekerasnya, agar jangan ditinggalkan.

Debu-debu pintu landas di belakangnya semakin menebal. Dan keluh hatinya semakin sebal.

Marah

Marahkan langit, mendung semalar
Marahkan jiwa, mendung terkulum
Kelam ini semakin ranum
Kandung
Hilang terpecah kalbu merundung

Lari dalam pusing-pusing entah apa
Letih saja
Tidak kian pudar dipanah haba

Mestikah aku tetap berdiri dalam lohong hitam ini
Sedang zarah diriku semakin ditarah
Agenda tak habis yang menaik parah

Liuk

Di bibir kantuk kakiku menari
Di pipi mabuk hatiku sunyi

Tawa-tawa cerita
Hilai suka duka
Di suatu pinggiran hati
Engkau ku ingat peri

Apakah ini hukuman
Untuk yang tak terluahkan
Mencari senyum di mata yang lain
Menampar kenang di sudut selain

Masih derai ketawa yang kamu
Yang ku kenang kenang selalu
Meski dudukku di sebelah yang ada
Syukurnya memerca
Kamu tiada jelma

Mungkiri sepi, aku biasa
Yakini pergi, aku terluka.

Rant

It's hard not being the dominant one.
It's hard to be unpretty and uncool.
It's hard to be the blur one amongst the bright minds.
It's hard to grow old alone, and your so-called friends make fun of your age.
It's hard to let a friend go, and admit you can't talk to them like before anymore.
It's hard to be under scrutiny and pushing yourself for deadlines.
It's hard to be the firstborn.
It's hard to be the junior.
It's hard to still stand on your own feet and stay strong.
It's hard to keep the tears in.
It's hard to be, me.

Dia

"Kau suka dia?"
"Mana ada."

Begitu lancar aku menipu.
Orang mungkin tertipu,
Mungkin lama-lama,
Hati aku pun akan tertipu sama.

Bohong.
Aku memang suka dia.
Tapi aku tak sanggup lagi terluka.

Hujan 3 Januari

Pernahkah kau memerhati titis-titis hujan yang bertempiasan di bingkai jendela?

Terpercik, lalu ia menyusur mengikut keluk-keluk kaca, dan memecah mengikut arah yang tak terduga.

Bunyinya jika kau diam dan dengarkan, cukup menenangkan.

Pernahkah kau memerhati, emosi-emosi yang bertempiasan di wajah-wajah kita?

Bunyinya jika kau diam dan dengarkan,

Pasti kau bertambah siuman.

- Hujan lagi hari ini,
Tiga Januari,
Selayangku Sayang.

Hujan 2 Januari

Hujan, 2 Januari
Tuntas, lekas menuruni
Melaruti
Desah hati dan kaki ingin berlari

Hujan, 2 Januari
Memegal hariku iri
Pada badan cergas dan asa yang pantas
Pada cinta yang tunjang dan lara yang terbalas
Sedang aku
Berpeluk lutut di hujung bucu
Cadarku belacu, dipagari pin peniti memaut kertas

Hujan, 2 Januari
Adalah doa bonda
Yang tak ingin aku pergi, bebas dan lepas
Mengaup angkasa luas
Tinggal dulu,
Tinggal dulu,
Ada masih tersisa rindu di hujung balah yang semakin menipis lelas

Aku bertinggung di bucu pintu tarik ini
Memandang bunga-bunga yang sedang mensyukuri
Alam yang basah
Langit yang murah
Dan pemangsa perobek warna bertempiaran lelah
Syukur yang terlalu jauh di kekeringan kulit hati
Dimakan benci, iri
dan letih yang tak sudah-sudah

Pintu doa terbuka, luasnya
Kau pinta ingat
Kau pinta rahmat
Hujan 2 Januari mendekat
Kau pejamkan mata, erat-erat
Di sela bulu mata, terjepit tangis
Anak ini belum puas memanja diri

Hujan 2 Januari memeluk hati.

Two Zero One Six In A Glance

I have mixed feelings for this year. In fact, I think I have a truckload of feelings hitting me this year. Or maybe I, like so many mid-20s ladies out there, are just plain hormonal. So here goes...

Two Thousand Sixteen Through Keon's Lenses

January - I'm working at the Al-Fatih preschool at my neighborhood, it's been a month. Kids started to recognise me. I also get to meet Syed and Naja for the first time. I wrote Tanglung Pemula, with big hopes that this year will turn super duper awesome. I finally found my people. This is it. Bring it on!

February - Still working at the kindy, surprised myself that I could actually stay working for more than 1 month. Got the freelance translating job at SDI Media. At last, something that I love doing!

March - I went for the SPA Interview at the SPA Office near Masjid Negara. It went fine despite my nervousness.

April - Life goes on as per usual. Werk, werk, werk

May - I went out again with Syed and Naja, museum hopping, PBAKL (met Lutfi Ishak! OMG) and watched AADC 2. Felt so old watching it. Went catching calamaris at Marang, Terengganu. Met Zaidi, Naja and Syed's friend back in Kuala Kelawang, who is a HO at Selayang Hospital. Also went to a poetry performance which was acah-acah hipster as heck at Minut Init, Damansara with Syed.

June - Ramadhan month. Went to a reunion cum breaking fast sesh wif my highschoolmates. Felt so out of place when these people are either talking about kids, or their careers. I have neither. (My job at the tadika doesn't count, LOL.) Funny month also to see the kindy kids trying hard to fast for the first time...so many dramas. So cute.

July - Raya! Got one week off from work for Raya holidays, something that I know I'll never ever get when I started housemanship. Got my place to do HO-ship in Hospital Selayang, as there were no vacancies in Serdang and Putrajaya as I hoped. Well, all for the better. Said goodbye to the kindy and my students...ah so touched.

August - Went to PTM and started housemanship. Man it was tough. I'm gonna say it again- Man, it was tough! Started off with Surgical department. I guess it is better than the others, I supposed...

September - Barely surviving, still no payslip. Hanging on nevertheless.

October - Hello, birthday month! Got my first payslip by the end of this month. So much for a birthday present!

November - Early this month, got my first car. A Perodua Myvi Advanced in black and blue.  Just passed my driving test last month, my mom doesn't trust me driving. But I drove anyway. (actually after persuasion from Zaidi and Naja, lol)

December - Finished my first posting to my great surprise and entered O&G. I hate starting in a new environment. The verbals are still real in this department. Got a strict mentor, now cracking my head on how I could ever get 10 deliveries in 3 weeks.

And that's how you end 2016!

There are some downturns like how I didn't actually managed to send a manuscript of my collective poems to any publishers yet, I didn't complete my Goodreads reading challenge this year, and I'm still single as heck to my mom's disappointment LOL. Anyway, I'm hoping that 2017 will bring new things and brought out the better me. InshaAllah.

As usual, if I died in 2017, I hope I will die in His redha and blessings.

Hello, 2017.
Assalamualaykum.