Pesisir pantai berdiam
Menyatu dengan langit
Perang terang, kelam sirna tenggelam
Baharu, baharu
Kemana perginya luka, kalau bukan hatiku
Disapu kikis halus pasir
Rintih lelas terkikir
Air mata bungkam jatuh, ditelan ribuan rona perang, disambut desir
Ingatanku murni untuk siapa
Merobek ikhlas dalam sekemelut luas
Hampa bertabur dalam pulasan kertas, carik tertetas
Terlalu banyak aturanmu, terlalu
Jiwaku pecah jiwaku, senduku malu
Berhempas jatuh kukaup seluruhku.
Assalamualaykum belogku.
Hahahaha. Terakhir jemari menari di atas papan kekunci melorekkan kata-kata di dinding belog adalah 3 tahun yang lalu. Terlalu banyak drama dan hama, tak kurang yang fauna dan melata.
Baru-baru ini, terkesan dari pelbagai isu yang bertimpa-timpa (jika kucoret sebagai A Series of Unfortunate Events, terasa keterlaluan. Tetapi! Kita raikan ujian ya.) Tak mampu mempersembahkan bahasa yang lebih mulus rasanya setelah terlalu lama...tapi bila menulis gaya begini, terasa seperti warga veteran (padahal usia baru mencecah tiga puluh enam tanggal 28 Oktober yang lalu.) Ah, aku kan "old soul". Bahasa saintifiknya autisma hahaha...tak aku tak bergurau.
Siapa yang menjerkah jiwa untuk menulis kembali?
Tak lain tak bukan rakan baik selama-lama, Syed haha. Syed tak buat apa-apa pun. Dia cuma kongsikan hebahan pertandingan menulis anekdot anjuran DBP. Aku tak sempat menghantar penyertaan. Dia juga hantarkan pada saat-saat akhir........dan menang! Ya Allah. I'm so proud of you...at the same time a lil bit jealous? Tapi cepat-cepat beristighfar, nanti tak pasal-pasal Syed terkena penyakit 'ain. Lol
Sekadar update pencapaian hidup di bulan November (atau mungkin hanya kejadian lampau, tak ada yang boleh diangkat untuk kebanggaan,):
1. Selamat melahirkan anak kedua, puteriku Ayani Aqwa pada bulan Februari.
2. Dilantik sebagai MO core Child and Adolescent Psychiatry pada bulan Oktober. ( I guess there's a compliment there somewhere.....but maybe they just ran out of people to man the show)
3. Menerima ketibaan dua orang anak buah dari adik-adikku, kedua-duanya puteri.
4. Mempersiapkan diri menghadapi peperiksaan MEDEX pada 12 November ini.
Sekarang...cuba teka aku mahu lari dari ribut yang mana? :)
Jika masih kepalaku berlari,
Jemari tetap akan menari kembali.
Belum cukup sulit untuk kukarang puisi...
Tapi ah! Garis masa selalu menipu.
Yang telah bertambah usia dan jarang-jarang sepi,
Keon.
(Segamit diam, anak-anak dibawa berjalan-jalan oleh sang suami. And my attention span betrayed me. Sepatutnya teruskan study)
Hello.
It's been ages. Yeah, I've aged alright. Whatever ideals I had some years back, most of em I've chucked away for good. We could never achieve perfection, yet we strive for it, cz insaan originates from Heaven, and only in Heaven things are at par to what we've all wanted.
Enough babbling.
It's another Johor Cuti Peristiwa Terkejut again. This time for ace-ing at Sukma Games.
There's 2 sides of a coin to it though.
The good part of it, is well, it's hari cuti alright. No need to wake up and straight away run my mind through the usual 3 things - making le beloved son's bekal, pack his clothes for the day and iron my own clothes.
But I have work due, admin stuff that need to be submitted today, so after running my thermomix for a quick nasi goreng, I've gotten on it, leaving H behind to cope with the little tyke. He managed to give him some breakfast (most of it went to the floor) and bathed him. In the middle I have to pick up the broom and sweep the horrors away. And continued with my work. Suddenly it's already 12pm.
I felt so tired of my constant running thoughts sometimes I felt like taking sumthin to shut it all up. I felt inadequate seeing all the other career woman juggling their life seamlessly. I told myself again and again that nobody's perfect and I'm doing the best I can but yeah, I'm exhausted.
There's a reason I'd rather not go through therapy if you'd suggested it to me now.
We'll see...
I've got to mop the floor now.
Later,
Keonce.
This had been nice.
Ada hari-hari tertentunya yang damai begini-
Mega mendung
Sunyi menghurung
Anak lena di tampuk senyum.
Berlalulah murung
Jangan engkau berani berkunjung-
Aku mahu selalu damai, begini.
Bibirnya masih berbau sigup
Usai minta-minta hirup tadi malam
Berjualan untuk hidup-
Mencopet juga untuk hidup
Segalanya, untuk hidup
Tapi hidup, untuk apa?
Diperlekeh sehabis usia
Lahirnya tak bertanda nama.
In a few days, or weeks,
I shall held you in my arms
Calm and embracing
Soft and nurturing
For you, is half of me,
Sayang.
In a few days, or weeks,
we'll tread the journey
untested and unknowing
I'll be your best bud
and you'll be our precious gem.
For years to come
I wouldn't know what's in store
Or how our lives be severed
But our souls- will remain entwined
till the gates of heavens reunites us.
A blessing, a gift, my hadiah, my precious heart and soul.
I would never known anything
Before you came along.
May Allah keep us safe-
in a few more days, or weeks, to come.
Who are you, in 10 years.
What do you know. What you'd expect?
I came across a chat saved in my email between me and my high school friend, dated in 2010.
I'd rather call that year my Dark Age.
The manner of speaking is so unlike me nowadays, so childish and depressed (cz I just got out of a toxic relationship), yet so optimistic. It's an irony since it'd been ages I've spoken to him. He's kinda avoided me, and all of our other schoolmates, for reasons God knows what.
And 10 years later, I've been struggling with a different kind of hell.
Even after all that I've been through,
Going through the chat history made me realized that no matter how shitty and down I may feel,
Allah always have a way to turn it around.
So have some faith, shall we?
- 10 days towards Ramadhan,
Khairun.
