Escapade

"I got my ticket on the long way round."

Because sometimes, you just need an outlet from you-dont-know-what. I dont know what's bugging me but I really felt bothered and depressed for the last few weeks. The only logical explaination is that I'm suffering from a bad emotional rollercoaster of PMS, and a really bad one I'm at the brink of questioning my mere existence.

I need people who can say I have seen you at your worst states and I love you anyway. I dont have many to be counted on that, I bet most just dont even care whether I'm alive or not. Truth be told I'm not that likable. I like to keep to myself at times and suddenly become hyperactive and talkative at another, so I guess the hard-to-predict nature just drove people away from me.

Anyhow, I just read on twitter this morning a quote by Yasmin Mogahed, "to be seen as good/beautiful from afar is easier than up close." Somehow it hit me hard cz I always feel that I dont treat my family well enough. I mean me and my siblings, me and my parents... And my mom and I especially. My mom has this way of talking that I easily feel that she's my friend, but sometimes I went overboard. I've listened to the way other people speak to their moms and it was nothing like the conversations between me and my ummi. They're more...how can I put it...reserved, and there's a loud tone of respect where you know, just by listening to it, that there's a line that you cannot cross. Its not that way between me and my ummi, we laughed and joked about everything and the way ummi told about her friends are like they're my friends too (but this is half true, I used to follow ummi around back home and most aunties knows me well anyway.) Maybe thats why my siblings felt that I'm way older than them, and they cant really relate to me in most things cz I spent time with ummi and makciks like a lot.

So, yeah. I need to improve myself on that.

So today I'll be scaling the Bangalore roads and malls, just to see the world. Maybe I need this. I'm really not the type to sit and stay in a place for too long anyway, and maybe that's why I feel that Davangere is driving me crazy. I'm my mother's daughter anyway, who couldnt stay still in one place more than three consecutive days lol.

So there! I used 'so' a lot.

Assalamualaykum and have a nice weekend!