Surprises

At some days like today, I am in a very low mood I dont even feel like getting out of bed. It's my off day, I'm supposed to be home, but I have this reunion with my ex Selayang colleagues cum besties at 7pm. I woke up late and ended up deciding to only go home after meeting my friends, so I have hours to spare (for anything!) and I always have this feeling that my mom doesn't really miss me at all cz she got all my other siblings to think of. Haha. I'm still the childish annoying attention seeking first born who secretly hold a grudge towards my younger siblings for stealing my parents attention at times. I love my siblings nevertheless but they sometimes gets to me, too in a way all of us will never truly understand.

I cleaned up my room a bit and watched some Netflix and ate biscuits and listed out the things i have to achieve in 10 days and ended up getting stressed up cz I'm cooped up in here of my own choice. Then suddenly when I tried to find reasons to live, I remembered this one nice guy who, out of nowhere suddenly became so close to me at one point (even if we only met once) who sent me presents and this Adelaide picture book.

Nice humans really does exists.

I hope you're doing well, Han. I'm so sorry of my erratic mood these days and sometimes I missed you but sometimes I just ignored you. You be good over there, buddy. I just got too many things on my mind lately.

I wanna enter the Psychiatric department as a houseman, not a patient.

Cheers,
Khairun

Plot twist

Si setia yang memecahkan hatiku dengan kesetiaannya.
Senyummu menyayat rasa
Menimbus asaku yang sedari lama mati
Ditelan kisah setianya.
Orang bilang setia itu sifat mulia
Tapi setianya telah membunuhku
Kerana sekali-kali bukan untukku jua.

Hapuslah, perasaan
Bergenang dalam ombak-ombak malu
Kerana seringku mengenang kamu
Meremukku langsung terlalu.

Surat untuk Kelekatu

Oh kelekatu, oh kelekatu
Telah lama engkau tiada bertamu
Aku rindu deringan sayapmu
Petanda hujan masih tak sejauh itu,
Kelekatu

Nyawamu yang seringan pelepah
Tak usah gusar dan renyah
Kubilang kini, kutemu pasrah
Dalam dingin belur-belur air di luar, kamu
Masih tersasar

Aku kirakan sesayapmu yang jatuh
Tapi agammu ke mana
Kelekatu
Kenapa kau pergi dulu?
Aku belum habis bicara rindu dan suara sunyi
Bingit sekali malam ini
Hujan sudah lama tidak ke mari
Sahabatmu bertempiaran lari

Kelekatu, datanglah lagi?
Cuma bila kau mahu
Tak kuasa aku mengusulkan
Bila mana ku perlu.

Dark Minds

I am postcall today. I don't have any plans, and I dunno anyone who had free time to spend- it's a Monday. Normally people would have Monday blues. All I have is half awakeness and postcall hyperness. I went to LOKL Coffee Co., been meaning to try since godknowswhen. Quaint place, so many tourists. I parked my car at the roadside and prayed it won't get towed (I already drove around 3-4x to look for parking space but couldnt find one. So I settled! Ha!) After having their quite decent Big breakfast and mocha, i found a policeman lounging in front of my car. He asked, "ni kereta awak ke?" I said yes and entered my car carelessly and he left. I really need to check if he slapped any summons on my plate num later lol.

I've been meaning to watch Hotel Transylvania 3 since 3 weeks now, and not knowing anyone having the same interest as mine (what with Mission Impossible, Antman, The Meg's now showing, no normal adult i know wont ever choose to watch the Hotel lol) so I searched for showtimes and planned to go for the nearest. I wanted to go to Pavilion's GSC but my gps went haywire plus KL's impossible traffic jam so i drove around KL only to reach Pavi by 11.45, and the movie already started by then. So I decided to just go to IOI City Mall to catch the movie. By the time I reached Giant Desa Petaling, I am so fed up of the jam already so I head there and set it that I will buy whatever movie that I haven't watch yet.

Giant Desa Petaling has a MBO cinema at its topmost floor. It's so eerily empty except for the Giant downstairs. They sell tickets and the popcorns at the same counter, lol. I bought The Darkest Mind at 1.15pm (only 4 people bought the tix anyway) and went to jalan-jalan a bit at the dead mall.

So, watched the movie, to say per se it's a typical sci-fi movie with The Host and The Maze Runner vibes. I liked it anyway, as I always do. The main character Ruby has the ability to erase people from their memories, and at the end of the movie erased herself from her boyfriend's memories for better good. I think there would be a sequel later. Suddenly I'm reminded of the person who I know would really enjoy this kind of movie, too, who, since started housemanship and having a girlfriend had really kinda disappeared from my life. I sounded like a psycho ex gf here, but really i just miss my bestfriend. Cried all the way home in the rain, such a drama queen. But Dory, I really missed you, I wonder if you had me erased from your memories. Anyway maintaining a friendship at this age is really hard, I know.

Gonna be on passive call again tomorrow. May Allah guide me.

Phew, such a long time I didn't do rants like this. It's kinda freeing, seeing that I don't have many friends to talk to anymore.

Cheers.

Bangun

Berteleku di titian gantung, kosong
Ada bebunyi nafiri bertalu di putik hari
Memintaku berdiri melawan kendiri
Kurasakan penatnya sangsi
Bangkit semula menentang antah
Hari seterusnya gementarnya entah

Teraju ini kita layarkan
Semboyan ini kita dorongkan

Terbit.

Sebuah Julai

Apa khabar, Julai.

Aku berasa tidak tenteram bertemumu, tahun ini. Apatah pula dengan hidupku yang kurasakan berantakan. Pemergian kawan-kawanku yang beralih fasa kehidupan, dan pekerjaanku yang tidak sudah-sudah, dan kisah cintaku (sekiranya ada barang sekelumit cinta) yang tak pernah akan kesampaian. Ah, hampir saja aku terbunuh di pinggiran harimu, Julai. Gaji pertengahan bulan yang luput di pinggir mataku jua- menyesakkan. Perihal rumah? Ummi sentiasa sibuk dengan adikku berenam lainnya, seperti biasa, seperti biasa. Aku sepi dan rimas, Julai. Kau lihatlah derap kakiku yang laju dan tak bermaya. Laju dan tak bermaya, bukankah mereka tak seiring? Tapi ini benar, ini benar.

Apakah Ogos akan menyelamatkanku?

Yang cuma boleh menyelamatkanku cuma Tuhan.

Ah, kau bertahanlah dengan keluh-kisahku untuk beberapa hari dan hati lagi. Kerana serasanya senyumku begitu plastik dan mati. Tiada seruap hidup pun dalam tawaku. Tiada.

Bangunlah jiwa, di mana saja engkau berada!

Kasihan Julai, melihat bangkai bernyawa ini menadah sedih yang entah apa dalam bingkai kalendarnya.

Melepaskanmu

Hari ini, sayang,
Aku ingin membenarkanmu pulang
Pada kekasihmu yang sering kau kenang
Dengan sepenuh setiamu padanya.
Engkau memang pencinta ulung
Yang tak sengaja mencuri hatiku
Dalam persahabatan yang telah kusalah ertikan.
Pulanglah, kekasih
Semoga bahagia yang tertunda
Menjadi milik keduanya kamu
Sedang aku membenarkan jiwa melayar lautan dunia
Digauli perasaan gementar yang tak sudah-sudah
Tak ketahuan pelabuhan akhirnya di mana.

Selamat pulang, cinta, tidak ada yang tersisa dan sia-sia.
Selamat jalan, sayang, tidaklah aku ini apanya sempurna.

Semoga terjumpakan bagiku, yang senantiasa setia sepertimu jua.