Dua Ribu Lima Belas

Lagi dua hari menjelang 2015;

2015 bakal menyaksikan seorang Khairunnisa melangkah ke tahun ke-26 dalam hidupnya. Apa yang telah diperolehi di usia ini, sekadar melepasi ujian sarjana muda MBBS dan masih memiliki kedua ibu bapa, dan masih bujang, dan masih clueless tentang hidup. Masih. Terkejut juga kerana telah berjaya mempelajari cara menunggang scooter di India. Alhamdulillah. Masih taktahu cara menunggang basikal dan cara berenang.

Timeline laman-laman sosial dipenuhi gambar majlis nikah dan tunang, gambar bayi montel hasil perkongsian cinta kawan2, isu-isu pembelian rumah dan cara menyimpan susu anak yang betul di dalam freezer, juga jenama stroller yang paling canggih di pasaran. Sekali-sekala terselit iklan syarikat insurans.

Impian untuk 2015: Lebih matang, lebih berwibawa, lebih bernas dalam berkeputusan, lebih sukar jatuh cinta, lebih banyak turun berat, lebih banyak puasa sunat, dan lebih carefree dan kurang uptight.

Dan pulang for good ke Malaysia pada masa yang sepatutnya.

Selamat Datang 2015. Aku sambut dirimu dengan dada terbuka dan harapan paling tinggi agar kau lebih baik dan indah dari tahun sebelumnya. Dan sekiranya aku ditakdirkan dijemput Tuhan, aku mahu mati dalam keadaan beriman kepada Tuhanku. Amin.

Selamat ber Dua Ribu Lima Belas!

Reading

I was three fourth from finishing the novel Norwegian Wood by Murakami, when I suddenly got reminded of this uncle whom I met on the plane from Kuala Lumpur to Kota Kinabalu last break. I was reading Kinsella's Can You Keep A Secret? so intently cz it keeps me from having small talk with strangers on a plane. I can't switch seats with the woman besides Dayana, so I make do with the seat I got. Then the uncle asked me, "Memang suka membaca ke?" then I was like "Ah sudah," I nodded politely with a meek smile, "Haah."

"Selalu suka baca buku yang macamana?" and the conversation went on and on to topics like where did I study and he'd once studied in India too at Gujarat, but that was the 70's, and he had been to Germany also, blah blah blah and each time I answered prompt questions and nod, nod, nod politely until he finally noticed that I'm too tired to listen to his antics and waved me away, "eh takpelah, sambunglah baca, kesian awak pakcik cakap banyak."

He reminded me of my mum, who also thought that it's okay to use the book someone is reading as a conversation starter. When I told her that it's not nice and people might wanna read in peace instead of talking, she'll rebutt it with "ah orang macamtu sombong betul." Gah.

The conclusion is, when people brought books and were reading it, do not, I repeat, DO NOT IN ANY CIRCUMSTANCES DISRUPT OUR AFFAIR WITH THE BOOK. We don't wanna be impolite but, we might hate you so deeply that we were reminded of you in the midst of reading Murakami in the middle of a Tuesday afternoon.

Haha. Salam, have a nice day.

Sambung Susur

Andai putus asa itu adalah asa yang telah mati
Apakah putus cinta bermakna cinta telah mati?

Semua kering setelah basah
Semua malam setelah matahari rebah
Akan diganti lagi seperti musim-musim
Yang takkan putus seperti jiwa yang hilang hidup disambung mati
Segala yang kelihatan asing
Adalah bersambung susur di dalam keselarian yang belum ternampakkan

Jika kau temui aku di musim bunga yang baru
Sampaikan salam dari jiwa yang karam
Setidak-tidaknya bakal tahu
Seusai bah, tak selamanya yang hijau tenggelam.

Rindu

Hati semerbak dengan sepenuh harum rindu padamu
Dan sayu, terus layu
Dipercakan menjadi carik-carik debu
Lelah ditiup angin musim dingin yang membeku.

Aku di sini, rindu
Tapi serasanya tidak patut dibicara-bicara
Sementelah kau mungkin saja endahnya tiada
Penuh lagi ruang mindamu dengan sibuk-sibuk yang tinggi
Sekadar rindu seorang aku, ah, seperti semut api
Bisanya ada, dipijak mati.

Mati terus seluruh hati
Meraung ingat padamu, terus tak terpeduli.

Tugu

Sebuah tugu sunyi tanpa suara

Bicaranya lebih hingar dari pasar

Lebih bingit dari gempita

Cuba kau diam di situ, dan dengarkan

Asakan seluruh ceritera sebuah tugu yang kelihatannya suram

Meminta dihenti masa, dan ditelusuri terus

Penuh humbanan semangat dan asa yang tak putus

Adanya kau seorang yang hirau

Sudah cukup untuk si tugu sepi

Lama berdiri, mata-mata yang memandang

Selalu melihat susuknya tanpa menalar bicara

Terima kasih seorang engkau, ujar sang tugu

Esoknya, dia sendiri lagi.

Surgery Dept

You're staring at the window, I'm out here in the street
You're standing like a scarecrow, and I'm begging you to speak
You used to be my solid ground, and I'm drowning in the sea
I just wanna believe in you and me
I just wanna believe in you and me

- Scarecrow, Alex and Sierra

I've started in Surgery Dept for a week now, and so far not much things I've seen since I'm posted at the semi gov hospital where people gotta pay for the treatment, hence the lack of patients. It's a quite cool unit. I've learnt how to do dressings properly and suturing nevertheless. I'm okay, but sometimes I feel so jobless and I'm afraid I've started to gain weight LOL since there's not much things to do. Anyway I'm kinda grateful cz I've experienced the hectic load of work while posted in CG Hospital last month.

Hope everything's gonna sail smooth till the end. InshaAllah.

Assalamualaykum :)

Emergency Duty, and rants about work.

Always you have been told that work is a curse and labour a misfortune. 

But I say to you that when you work you fulfil a part of earth's furthest dream, assigned to you when the dream was born,

And in keeping yourself through labour you are in truth loving life,  

And to love life is to be intimate with life's inmost secret. 

- The Prophet, Kahlil Gibran

Today I was in emergency duty. I have to work at the Emergency wards from 8am to 2pm. Which contained all the unstable, newly admitted patients, grumpy, irritable, sad patients. Well, not all of em are like that. Just a hyperbole. But the job is hectic nonetheless. When a patient got admitted, you have to write the case sheet (and ask history in their language i.e. Kannada language, the local tongue of Karnataka with my limited vocab), send routine blood and urine and x-ray and sputum investigations, wherever relevant, putting on Ryle's tubes (food tube which goes from the nose straight to the stomach) and catheter (urine tube which connects ur opening to the bladder), wherever needed. Not all patients need it tho, but some might, those who cannot walk to the bathroom or have severe diseases where they are confined to bed rest. And so, usually there will be around 10-15 cases arriving around the 6 hours.

Sometimes I feel really tired cz I couldn't like, sit at all, drink water cz I was so busy running here and there. Sometimes I regret choosing this path, while I haven't even tasted the worst of it yet. Those in Paediatrics got night duty on the OPD (out patients dept) day, where they'll receive new admissions from 9-5am and afterwards they gotta do the night shift. Nearly 24 hours of working through and through in the hospital. In Obstetrics and Gynae, they got labour room duty for 15 days where they'll either work from 8am-8pm or 8pm to 8am, depending on the shift. Pure hell. My friend just told that last night there was 17 deliveries at night, managed by her and only one other post grad student. Awesome. She returned to the hostel all super exhausted and had a terrible headache. Only to come back for the next shift the next night.

Listening to these kinda makes my work look so simple and unquestionably easy. But for a first posting, it's still hectic. I wonder if I've got stronger will after starting my internship. Or only weaker. Tomorrow I got OPD day, so prolly will work from 9am-8pm roughly. A full day of Kannada speaking. I often got nightmares at night, that some old lady came and push me in the face with her OPD card. Heck. I am so lifeless right now. To dream about my silly crushes also got no time lol.

Anyway, to feel better, I had to love what I do. One thing that assured me is that I learned something new everyday. And I gain something everyday, if I ever work sincerely. Treating sickness is an honourable job anyway...and I'm kind of happy whenever my sick patients got discharged later, all better.

All this is only with the help from Him. Or else I'm nothing but a working robot, same routine every week, working myself off till I drop dead.

What is life's worth anyway, if you don't serve a purpose?

Till then,
Assalamualaykum wbt. :)