Khatam Hampir Padam

Hilang merah di langit petang

Aku melungu ke alam malam

Suram

Keras hati berdiri

Memacakkan aku di sini

Menanti iris biasa dengan kelam

Kenapa mesti ada kelam, dalam kelam-kabut

Kenapa tidak tenggelam, pada sebuah sabut

Ah, kau kalut

Memikir remeh tak bersambut

Biut

Dalam fikir sendiri-sendiri

Kau lemas bergelut

Kerajaan dunia bertitah kata

Malam bukan waktu bersusah

Tapi waktu rehat, ria

Panjang, tenang, senda nan dalam

Akal kau goncang

Segala kisah pagi kau buang ke laut masin

Pergi, pergi 

Yang terang-terang

Biar gelap terus sampai malam

Biar genap terus sampai khatam

Padam.

Jerit Tandus

Keterlepasan kata sayang memutus-mutus
Seberapa lama terbina pun pasti kan diranap canggung
Duduk bersila di atas panggung
Risau-risau kalau terbuka pekung
Lopong
Lohong kosong, langsung

Aku tak beritma diinjak asmara sandiwara sendiri
Sedih tak bertepi
Mahu dikata manusiawi, matang serba serbi
Dalam hati merintih,
Kasih tak terpeduli.

Entah bilakah kan berakhir rantai-rantai cerlus
Seperti pasir dihembus-hembus
Di tangan halus
Di mata pedih,
Rakus

Aku suka kamu!
Mungkin kali ini
Aku tak menempah mampus.

Expectations

I expect to fail.
I expect to fail, everytime.

I expect bad things to happen when I feel happy.
I expect my relationships to end in a blink.
I expect not to gain success so fast, it must be a snail game.
I expect my heart to break, and concretes will shake.

Deep down I also expect someone to surprise me and make me happy all my life.

Ke hadapan: Kamu.

Puisi ini untukmu.

Di setiap detik pagi, namamu terawal kuingati.
Di setiap detik malam, aku menyesal tak bersua denganmu sebelum padam.

Puisi ini untukmu.

Waktu senggangku memaculkan namamu dalam fikiran.
Waktu sibukku, aku bersyukur kau tak selelah aku.

Aku mencari alasan, alasan, alasan
Aku perlu tinggalkan, tinggalkan, tinggalkan

Tinggalkan kamu. Belum mampu, tapi sepastinya perlu.

That One Night II

Starless sky feels so bright
Blanketing all sorrows tonight
Under my pillow, my screams feel tight
Lungs burning, fire’s alight

Help! Help!
Freedom is mere idea, a blight
Poisoning prisoners, an addiction
Screening hopes, a total fiction
Under the glare of his eyes
My dreams, all shred apart
Thrown into damnation
Pretty illusion

My breath is clawing, upholding
To die tonight is a god-sent heaven
This abuse had been for ever
Can’t believe I still call him Father
Through all my shrieks, he’d gone past
His stresses all out, I’m the canvas

Run, run, my mind’s all worn 
My frail body had nothing to mourn
Why don’t you kill me? I once asked
Because I love you, said he, fast.
If this is love, I’d rather had none
Than keeping all the bruises
Free holiday, adjourned.

That one night
Sent me to headlines,
Blood covered, I’m found
Going where I’m destined.
When father’s caught, nobody believed,
His story of love, short-lived.

That One Night

You’ve got what they don’t…

You’ve got what they don’t…

You’ve got what they don’t...

I woke up at midnight, panting

I look around, I heard screaming

Walls around me vigorously shaking

In time’s turn my heartbeats synchronizing

Agonizing

I put on my shirt, hanging by my collar

I walked to the door in tiptoes, my breathing’s harder

I listened to the booming conversations

Peaking intensifications

“What is your worth, woman?”

“Tell me, what is your worth!”

Glass shatters, my heart falters

The drop I heard is my mother’s last breath

The following slam is my dad who’s left

I crumpled to the floor

Wishing I am no more

But to follow Mom is not a choice, I know

I let myself loose to the world, wandering

I am a left-winged falcon, can’t see the end

If it meant to be homeless, then homeless I’d be

Watching people’s life as they passed me seamlessly

Till a window caught my eye and kind eyes met me

For a fortnight I set time, observing them closely

To the night I built my strength and tighten my guts

I rapped on their door and therefore I ask,

“How does it feel to be as happy as you?”

“Is there a price to pay, so that God favours thou?”

/pause/

I held the scrawny hands, my tears came falling

My whole happiness shattered, as the small mouth moves

“Please,

Please,

Please,

Tell me,”

I lifted my chin to face the frown of his,

“The whole of my life, after this fateful night,

I don’t ever want to hear your sufferings ever hit the light,

Let you be the last, and the last of them all,

Call all of them to Neverland,

Where no streets ever saw you crawl.”

So that one night did finally came

My gold and diamonds, nothing could compare

To the jumps of my heart as you keenly stare-

The kid at the window, finally smiling,

In the highest clouds they came to dreaming,

But sometimes that night haunts me, how many more are stumbling,

Our hands, our hands, our hands!

How many are reaching?

My biggest flaw

I am so done with rejections.
Rejection after rejection after rejection.
Some people said I'm crazy.
Most people said I'm stubborn.
The truth is I'm impatient.
And deep down, I hate being alone.

And I fall in love easily.

I know, I know, I know.
Throw me a thousand bad words, I bet I've heard them all.
The reason why nobody wants me, I sure will never know.
What I do know is, it's one of my biggest flaw.

But that never stopped me.
That never stopped me, from falling for you.

Don't ask when I'll stop, fooling myself till wrecked,
To be real I'm always prepared for another heartbreak.

Till when oh till when, you and me sure will see,
For truly I haven't let my heart go off serendipity.

Cheers!
Me.