Prioriti Hati

Bila kau rasa kau paling luka dan parah
Namun kau harus gantungkan topeng tabah
Kerana apa yang kau rasa
Tak sepenting apa yang dia rasa.

Biar aku menangis dalam mimpi, Tuhan
Asal saja dia terus hidup
Sempurna dan damai hati
Sampai ke hujung nanti.

I Want To Tell Stories

About my life right now, but I'm kinda stuck in a vacuum of wordless-ness. Oh well, I just proved myself wrong.

Had been starting my internship for a week now, posted in the Psychiatry Department.
Nothing much. Not as exciting as other people cz Psychiatry is a little laidback actually. Now and then some 'possessed' woman come around, some suicidal attempt case, some delusional fellow. As I said, nothing much, really.

Hope my life will be somewhat interesting in a week cz I'll be starting Medicine. Real hectic, they say. I've experienced Emergency Dept and I guess I got the gist of it alright...

Okay. Will update later.

By the meantime, I'll stick to random poems. Cz apparently I'm not a good story teller. (Or maybe I'm just not in the mood.)

Assalamualaykum.

Bikin Ruang Untuk Aku

Bikin ruang untuk aku
Menyanyi riang, marah dan rindu
Pada kamu, pada dia, pada langit, pada awan yang melilit purnama putih
Pada tangis suci hilang kekasih
Pada tanah, pada zahir, pada cinta, pada lesu
Beri aku ruang itu

Bikin salju dari paduka raja
Biar kuning memutih warna
Biar aneh, biar pipih, biar lekas tercair rupa
Tapi tetap suci, dipanah panas langsung tak ada

Bikin ruang untuk hati ini bicara
Dan sulam warna dan kata jadi lagu
Jadi pelangi, jadi pancawarna, jadi pecahan rekah-rekah kaca
Terselam bumi gelap tak ada hilang semua gambar sirna
Tak bermaksud tak pernah wujud, bukan?

Bikinkan aku ruang itu
Untuk aku terus berkata segala macam rentak dan nada aksara
Kutiup menjadi puisi
Yang setelah pergi, senang sekali hati bumi.

Bikin.

Muse

Come, and sit by me
Cradle my words in your sleep
Knit my dreams as you go deep
Laid down and make 'em beautiful sheets

Musical, magical, that's all it takes
I'll engrave it on my silver plates
Hope it will satisfy all my dread
'Cause without you, Muse, I'm already dead

Be here now, be here now
I promise you'll feel better somehow
Have me by, lemme show you round
We'll read the stars dangling upside down

Just be here, now
And we will make
The best out of our apple pancakes
Let it bloom into rooms and shapes
Anything's possible as long as we rake
Our minds and souls, all theirs to take
All out spread out like honey stars flakes

Be here, muse.

A week from now

A week from now, I'll be off in a plane, India-bound.

I am typing on my dad's PC at home. My parents went for a makan-makan at their friend's house, so the PC is lounging around freely, so I thought that eh, why not updating my blog. And yeah I like to type when there's nobody hovering around. It is hard to do in this house, my mom is deffo a hovering overprotective mom, always checking on me every 5 secs if she had to. Yesterday we got into this small argument involving her hovering around asking me questions. I was so pissed off cz at that time, I was writing this poem and all the questions blunted my idea and hey I was swept away by writer's block, yeay me. Then she went on this defensive mode, mumbling that it was she who taught me how to write and now I am just being snobbish towards my own mother who feeds me and whatnot. Whew. Women and their ability to bring out even the smallest things. Even I'm a woman, but my mom always complain of my lack of emotions or empathy, rather, when I ridiculed her habit of watching tearful dramas. Haha.

Okay. I'll be starting my internship when I get back to Davangere later, and honestly I don't have the slightest picture of how it would be like. I mean, yeah during my studying days I've been in the hospitals and I saw how it all works, but yeah of course being a medstudent is definitely different than being an internee, aite? Oh well, I don't even have anyone to ask about it too. My intern friends are busy and those of the same boat as me are anxious. Hmm. What's the saying again? Just go with the flow? Jyeah.

Using this PC makes me really want a new laptop. I've always wanted one. My battered, hand-me-down netbook with the 10-inches screen really is just for surfing the net. And me writing off the antics of my mind. The form given off for my scholarship programme, allowing us to buy a laptop and the amount can be claimed later, had been lost since forever. We can use it as long as we are students, they told. But my medstudent status had expired recently, at the moment when I got my result, so, yeah. Burn that hope.

I'm afraid of becoming a workaholic. I can be quite the kiasu type-A kinda person in an inducing environment.

I need to state out my priorities. And no, it is not my priority to get married now. (Throw glances around)

1. I should be doing my work for the sake of Allah, my Creator. Then only nothing can bring me down. Cz there's many, many dark things that lingers around this profession that may let me down, and break me, and test my wits and patience.

2. I will try my best to be a good and fully-functioning doctor, always revising and studying to be at par with my colleagues.

3. I will not forget my passion for writing and written material, namely books, short stories, poems.

4. I will not succumb to the idea that doctors does not look good because they are too busy. I will try to look presentable and not half dead at my very best.

5. I will read this whenever I lose my sight on my priorities.

Till then,
Come what may!

InshaAllah we can make it. So far my seniors and friends are still sane. That's supposed to be heartwarming, right. ;)

Pemandu Jiwa

Gelung ributku
Lapis tanyaku
Merah resahku
Basah kedipku

Langsung membuat sembah lintas lalu
Sinar-sinar mesra
Pencak-pencak cinta
Semua turun, menjadi salji ajaib

Kerana jiwa, Kau punya.
Kerana Kau, Pemandu Jiwa.

Aku Tak Mahu Gelar Itu

Aku tak mahu gelar itu
Aku tak mahu swarovski berbatu
Aku tak mahu tinggi dudukku
Aku tak mahu kau lihat aku tak setanding denganmu

Aku tak mahu gelar itu
Aku tak mahu riak cemasmu tatkala terlihat kot putihku
Aku tak mahu sesak dadamu di hujung corong stetoskopku

Aku tak mahu gelar itu

Aku cuma ingin jadi sang penginsaf di tiap waktu
Kala aku melihat yang tak sihat, dan yang tak sempurna
Aku cuma ingin jadi sang pengkagum kuasaNya
Di setiap kebah, sembuh dan syukur terhela

Aku mahu semua, buat aku terduduk berlutut tersujud syahdu sama.

Aku tak mahu gelar itu.